


April Fool's

by alphabetaboys



Series: AlphaBeta Boys [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Foursome - M/M/M/M, M/M, Oral Sex, Spanking, Threesome - M/M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 03:03:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1412608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphabetaboys/pseuds/alphabetaboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After pranking each member of the house, the boys get back at John for what he’s done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	April Fool's

Today was the day. The first of April. April First. Day numero uno of the fourth month.

April Fools’ Day.

The apartment was quieter than usual, but in that super eerie way.

They knew what was coming. This day was marked on the calendar by all involved. Hell was going to be unleashed, and everyone knew it.

Three out of four of the boys had gone to bed with barricaded doors even though they knew it wouldn’t do them any good. John was going to find a way to get them.

Jake was the first victim. As he awoke, his sleep-muddled brain vaguely noticed that he was, for the most part, immobile, which was completely out of the ordinary because he usually kicked off all his sheets. Opening his eyes (it took a moment for them to adjust because he couldn’t rub them), he realized he was up to the neck in Jell-O. More specifically, in blue Jell-O.

After a moment of futile struggling, he gave a frustrated groan. “Dave! Dirk!” he hollered at the top of his lungs until he heard some shuffling sounds. “I’m in what may literally be a sticky situation, so if you could please roll your fine asses out of bed and help me out, I’d be much obliged!”

The twins shuffled in together, looking tired and still mostly nude, underwear aside.

“Shit, dude, he got to work right away,” Dave commented as he moved over to kneel next to the bathtub, scraping handful after handful of jello and attempting to free Jake. Dirk snagged a trashcan before kneeling down by the tub and helping his twin in the rescue of their boyfriend.

At the end of the rescue mission, they all came to the same horrifying (but also slightly amusing) realization: Jake’s skin, along with the sides of the tub, was now an ungodly shade of blue.

He rushed to the mirror, accessing the damage and then moaning when it only partially washed off in the sink.

Dirk came up behind him, placing a sticky hand on his shoulder. “At least Neytiri might love you now,” he said, funeral-level serious.

Dave grabbed Dirk and dragged him out, snickering softly as Jake mumbled something about going to take a shower and hoping that this goddamn blue would wash off easily.

It was three hours later when he emerged, looking a little wrinkly from the continued washing and as if he had just returned from the Arctic with a bad case of hypothermia.

Now that John had struck, the Striders continued their daily activities with extreme caution. Normally, the bite-sized boy wouldn’t intimidate them, but today was his day to reign as King, and everyone knew he would abuse his powers in the 24 hours he had. And with John nowhere to be seen, everything was just ten times scarier.

It wasn’t until half past noon when John’s handiwork became apparent again.

Part of Dirk’s routine included a healthy dose of “alone time.” And by that, we mean he liked to masturbate a lot. Even with three other boys to get him off whenever he needed it, he always figured it didn’t hurt to have a date with his hand every now and then.

And so, at his roughly scheduled time, he opened the porn file on his desktop, scrolling through until he found one of his favorite videos. Double clicking, he used his free hand to-

No.

Fuck no.

Instead of the freckled twink he had been expecting, he was greeted by the bound and gagged form of a woman. The title screen pops up and read “50 Shades of Gray.”

Livid, he closed video before clicking the next file. And the next. And the next. Next one. Maybe this one? He kept going until he realized that all two terabytes of his porn folder had been completely and utterly replaced with shitty and unarguably hetersexual ‘porn’.

He pulled his hair at the roots and opened the folder containing Hal.exe’s source code. Scanning over the individual files, he couldn’t find a single break in the code, so he launched the main program and pulled up a log of Hal’s previous commands.

Dead end.

“How did he even manage it,” he muttered as he pulled up one of his backups. The red text declared that he was locked out, and despite numerous attempts to overwrite it, the program was untameable. If it weren’t for the fact that this was six years of porn hoarding in the making now ruined, he might have been impressed.

He stepped out of his office with a deadened expression and trudged out to the living room. “He got into my computer,” he said as he sat himself between Dave and Jake.

Jake started to say something pseudo positive before Dirk cut him off with a very deadpan “He got into my porn.”

They spent a few clearly shocked minutes consoling Dirk and then moved into speculating on Dave’s prank. Piss in the apple juice bottle, perhaps, Jake suggested. John was always joking about that after all.

After a quick check of the fridge (and a very bold sniff test by Dave), they all were satisfied to say that they had at least taken out John’s third prank as they watched the sour-smelling yellow liquid wash down the sink.

Once the last of the bottle had been drained out, Dave figured he’d go take a shower, and left Dirk and Jake to lament in their misfortune. Convinced that he was now safe from the pranks, he stepped into the stream of warm water and got to work lathering his hair up. He even let himself space out and think about crazy new mixes and sick beats as the shampoo sat.

A good half hour later, he stepped out of the bathroom and down into the living room. When Dirk and Jake looked up to greet him, their eyes went wide and Dave’s eyes narrowed. “What?” he asked.

“You know,” Jake said slowly. “I never did get to see you as a ginger, Dave. You’d already dyed it by the time I met you. It looks… nice?”

“What do you mea-...No. No fucking way.” The words hit him with a sudden force. Dave stood up, rushing back to the bathroom. He rubbed the fogged-up mirror with his sleeve and blinked at his reflection. Touching his hair, he realized that the damage had been done all the way done to the roots.

“When I get my hands on him,” he seethed to himself, “he's gonna be so fuckin sorry, he'll be red and blue and green and yellow- John's gonna be so sorry, he'll be the fucking deluxe board game of Sorry with the pop-up button in the middle that rolls the motherfuckin die for you, but the only thing that's gonna be poppin will be my hand on his little whore ass. He is fucking asking for it now and I swear to god he's gonna get it.”

And with that, they gathered in the kitchen, carefully planning out their revenge.

Jake and Dave mostly threw out bunk ideas, like tying John to a rocket and shooting him to the moon, until Dirk knocked on the table to get their attention.

“I bribed Roxy,” Dirk said, locking his phone and placing it on the table. “He’s been at the Lalonde’s apartment all day. She’s gonna text me when he is on his way back.”

They mulled this new information over in silence for a minute.

There was a dark glint in Jake’s eyes when he finally spoke up. “I’ve got a plan, and I do think that you two are going to like it. Dave, you even get to be in charge.”

\--------------------

Later that night, John slowly made his way up the stairs leading to the apartment, ears alertly listening for any possible counterattacks. This year had been so good, and he was almost sure that they were going to try to get back at him.

He approached the front door and pressed his ear to the wood, his nerves screaming because there was no sound coming from inside. He unlocked it slowly and carefully turned the handle. Taking a deep breath, he threw the door open, prepared for anything that would come.

Except for that, apparently.

He found himself plunged  into sudden darkness and something hit him on the head. There was a grainy, slimy mixture running down the front of the face, and he belatedly noted it as poorly mixed cake batter.

Removing the bucket, he wiped some of the cake batter from his face and slammed the door shut behind him. “Oh no, you got me!” he called out as he headed to the bathroom. “So clever, guys.”

He was a little unnerved by the silence, but figured that maybe they had set out via the fire escape after putting the bucket over the door when he made it all the way to the bathroom without getting attacked again.

Maybe they’re out getting coffee, or fixing Dirk’s computer, he thought to himself as he stepped under the spray of the water. He grimaced at the thought of getting the cake batter out of his clothes, resigned to his face. He had just barely washed out the cake batter from behind his ears when he felt hands grab him from behind and hoist him into the air.

He shrieked and squirmed for a second as he was placed over someone’s green-clad shoulder. “Jake,” he gasped as he kicked at his chest with his bare feet. “What the fuck?”

Without his glasses on, John barely made out the shapes around him (thanks, bad eyesight); Dirk shut off the shower as Dave trailed behind Jake.

John asked confused questions that went unanswered for the brief minutes of transit. He was then tossed like a sack of meat onto what looked like Dave’s bed. His glasses, cleaned probably by Dirk, were placed on his face so that he could finally glare up at his kidnappers.

“What the fuck, guys?” he demanded indignantly, shaking some water from his hair.

“You fucked up.” Dirk said. His voice was normal, just a bit above monotone. Which meant mad. Jake and Dave just glared. All fuming mad.

Uh oh.

“He did way more than fuck up,” Dave said to Dirk. “He just unleashed World War Three on his ass. Rule number one of the household: Do not.” Dave climbed onto the bed, which dipped due to the extra weight. “Mess with.” He put a hand on John’s chest and pushed him down. “Strider hair products.” He looked John dead in the eyes as he pinned him. “You are beyond dead, Egbert. You’ve dug your own grave. You’re already dead. You're the embodiment of a zombie right now. You’re living dead. I swear to god you--”

“Dave,” chimed an exasperated Jake over his shoulder. “Less rambling. More plan-taking-place.”

“Right. Dirk, cuffs, please. Jake, lube, if you would.” He stared intently at John, whose pupils dilated in fear. Or pleased anticipation. Probably some fucked up version of both. He was finally coming to terms with the magnitude of the situation.

Dirk passed the handcuffs over to Dave, who forced John’s hands up to the bedpost and cuffed him easily. “You keep those up there. Don’t try any of your freaky houdini shit, or you’ll get worse than what’s already coming for you.” He then grabbed the lube from Jake, squeezed some onto his fingers, and pressed one into John.

“Cold!” exclaimed John, squirming and shying away from Dave.

“Oh, fuck no. You deserve this. If you think I’m going to pamper your sorry little ass today you are so, so wrong.” He worked the finger roughly inside of him, only waiting a bit before adding an equally cold second finger. John called out his complaints in small whines and body language.

Suddenly, Dave pulled his fingers out of John, flipped him on his side, and lifted his hips up. The new position was weird; his arms were out in front of him, his chin on the edge of the mattress. “Jake,” Dave said, choosing the second most scandalized person in the room, “take care of his mouth. I dont want him talking his way out of this.”

Jake grinned, stripping off his shorts and gripping his shaft. (It took all of John’s willpower to not make a comment about blue balls.) He placed the head of his dick on John’s lips, his free hand going to grip John’s bangs. “Come on, chap, open wide.” When John didn’t move, he pulled his hair lightly, and John’s mouth obediently fell open. His tongue lolled out, limp for a moment before John got to his senses, curling it around the head. He coaxed it into his mouth, hoping that he could get off (in the other sense of the phrase) a little easier on good behavior.

Dirk flopped down onto the plush chair into the corner of the room. He was more than content just watching for now. Sure, John messed with his computer, but at least his body wasn’t physically altered in any way. Besides, this would be way better than his porn. He figured he’d wait until Dave and Jake got most of their punishment out, then join in the fun. And by the looks of it, god, would this be fun.

Dave, meanwhile, was working his fingers back into John. Up to three now, he stretched him open with a skillful hand. He half watched as John started to work on Jake’s cock, his own hardening.

Jake let out a soft noise of pleasure as John’s mouth moved further down his shaft. It was a bit sloppy, due to the fact that John couldn't use his hands, but the wet heat of his mouth already driving him a little insane. His fingers tugged this way and that as John’s tongue lapped over him, making him moan. “I’d tell you about what a good boy you are, John, but that’s the whole reason we’re here, isn’t it? You've been a very, very bad boy.”

John whined around him, his eyes falling shut as he doubled his efforts to please Jake. He knew this was a punishment, and as much as his dick wanted attention, he knew that he’d have to apologize with his body before he got anything.

Behind him, Dave finally removed his fingers, reaching for the condom on the nightstand. He lubed himself then rolled it on before grinding against John’s ass to tease him.

John’s hips jerked back a little, trying to get Dave to push in.

“You little slut,” Dave quipped. “You’re having so much goddamn fun, aren’t you?” He brought his hand out on John’s ass, the sound of the slap reverberating through the room.

John trembled and moaned around Jake’s cock. He pushed his ass up a little higher, welcoming the thought of further blows.

Dave shook his head, bringing down his hand twice in a row, in quick succession. He listened to John’s needy sounds as he pushed the head of his cock into him. “You’ve been a bad boy, and you are going to be treated like one. You’re gonna get spanked so hard that you won’t even think about sitting for a week.” He thrusted his hips forward, bottoming John out as his hand came down on his left cheek this time. He watched it well with color, his smirk still resting on his lips.

Dirk sat up on the other side of the room, licking his lips as he watched the boys deal John’s punishment. He stripped slowly, teasing himself. He dragged his fingernails down his own chest, watching Dave’s hand come down again and again. Feeling a rush of lust, he gripped the base of his shaft and started talking, mostly to John. “Look at you, look how pretty you look, taking two cocks at once like a pro. I’m sure this is what a slut like you wanted in the first place, huh? To be fucked until you couldn’t walk? A cockwhore like you, you’ll never get out of this. The three of us will continue to fuck you until you beg us to stop.”

The two boys whose mouths weren’t currently occupied groaned at Dirk’s words, doubling their efforts. Dave’s hand came down with another spank and then gripped onto the red cheeks. Spreading them apart, he started pounding into John relentlessly and drew whorish moans from him.

John was pulling on the handcuffs, his hands itching to do the things wasn’t allowed to do. He gripped at the bedposts the best he could, looking up at Jake to encourage him to push in further. He laved his tongue over the underside, taking in the feel of Jake’s cock against his tongue.

“Fuck his mouth.”  Dave said to Jake breathlessly. “Let’s make sure he can’t talk for a while either. Don’t want to hear even a syllable of ‘how great he got us’.” He directed his attention to his brother. “Cock ring. On John.”

Dirk nodded and went to the drawer, finding the small leather ring, loosening it slightly before getting on he bed with the other three boys. He slipped it onto John’s dripping shaft, careful not to touch the sensitive skin, and tightened it near the base, much to John’s displeasure. Leaning over, he then cupped Dave’s cheek in his hand, leaning forward and kissing his brother ruthlessly.Their tongues moved together and Dave closed his eyes, still thrusting.

“Gadzooks, do you two realize how much I love watching you? There's just something positively sexy about the two of you getting it on,” Jake said. He held John steady and started to thrust forward roughly into John's mouth.

Dirk and Dave smirked in unison, moving a little closer together. Dave took a hand off of John to start jerking his twin off. Which, in turn, only caused Jake to speed up his thrusts. Without warning, he stopped and moaned loudly, cumming down John’s throat.

“Damn you two, making me finish first.” His sentence cracked in the middle, as he slowly pulled out. A small dribble of cum ran down the side of John’s face, but Jake quickly collected it with his fingers.

John swallowed before sucking on the leftovers, looking up at him with devious eyes. But, to his dismay, Jake pulled away, sitting down on the other side of the bed to watch the remaining participants.  He made a distressed sound, but then Dave spanked him again and he gave himself over to the rough thrusting that was making him painfully hard.

Dave thrusted forward a few more times before he was pulling out. He unhooked John, but didn’t uncuff him, instead repositioning him so that he was facing them on the bed. Then, instead of pushing back into John, he went back to kissing Dirk, who had grabbed the lube from where it had been forgotten on the bed, and started to finger Dave.

Within minutes, the dom side of Dave was lost to the pleasure of Dirk’s fingers, and he rocked his hips back against him. Dirk offered soft obscenities and praise to his twin, pressing three fingers against his prostate, rubbing soft circles. “F..Fuck, yes, Dirk…” His moans were breathy, eyes sliding shut.

Dirk’s pulled John toward him, nodding his head down at his swollen cock. “You know what to do.” John obediently wrapped his lips around the head of Dirk’s dick, sliding his lips up and down.

Dave reached down to stroke himself, leaning back against his twin as he came within only a few strokes as a result of already having nearly fucked John senseless. He panted for breath before going to the other side of the bed. “John can come whenever you’re done with him, Dirk,” said lazily as he cuddled into Jake’s side.

Dirk immediately pulled John of his dick and pushed him to his knees. He wasted no time pulling on another condom, getting up behind John and then in pushing in, reaching forward with his messy hand. His cum-covered fingers found John’s lips. “Clean it.”

He gripped the curve of John’s hips with his other hand, picked a fast pace, and rammed into John, who obligingly moaned around his fingers.

Within seconds he had adjusted his angle to hit John’s prostate. “Fucked with my porn, get fucked like a porn star. Aren’t you just a happy camper? You should’ve known you’d have this coming when you got home. Probably couldn’t wait. Tell me John, how bad do you want to cum?”

“So bad-!” John gasped, not daring to undo his cuffs or touch himself.

“Beg me for it.”

John moaned and squirmed. “I want it so bad, Dirk. Give it to me, l-let me cum, please! I nnnh!-need it so bad because I’m a cockslut. I’ll do- ahh!- I’ll d-do anything,” he whined, as he bucked his hips back with each thrust into him.

“Even quit April Fools’ day pranks?” Dirk said with a sly smile, his hands toying with the button on the strap around John’s dick as he thrusted.

“Even that!” John pleaded. “Please, Dirk, I need it!”

In one smooth movement, Dirk undid the cockring and pulled it off John’s dick.

John’s orgasm was beautiful, his hips pumping into the air as Dirk slid the cock ring off of him. He wasn’t even touched as he released across the sheets. Dirk groaned as John tightened around him and thrust into John a last few times before he spent himself in his condom.

Panting, Dirk grabbed the key for the handcuffs and unlocked John, who was quickly pulled into the embraces of a now-welcoming Jake and Dave. When he was sure that John would be well taken care of, he went to the bathroom and brought back a bottle of water and a warm washcloth and settled onto the bed again.

They took turns giving John water and washing themselves off. Once they were clean, they laid themselves out and pulled up blankets.

“This is two shades darker than my natural hair,” Dave informed John, rubbing his side slowly. “Just saying.”

Dirk chimed in next as he kissed his cheeks. “By the way, how exactly, did you get past Hal?”

“And how did you get that blasted Jell-O to solidify before I woke up?” Jake pestered, poking at John’s chest from the other side of Dave.

John chuckled tiredly, pushing his face into Dave’s chest and closing his eyes. “A real magician never reveals his secrets,”  He mumbled.


End file.
